You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
