u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
