I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
