I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
