He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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