I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
