Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
