He disabled his match.com account in front of me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
