why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
