Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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