if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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