My sheets look like a crime scene.
love makes seman taste better
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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