I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
