we have pet lesbian snakes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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