Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
