He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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