apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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