I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
