if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
