You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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