i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
