So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You've changed since you got that strap on
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
