I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
