tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
