Christians are straight up FREAKS
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
