does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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