just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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