Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
