we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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