screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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