That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
