She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
