I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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