I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
