he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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