When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
