I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
last night I used snow as a chaser
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
