Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
