I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
