this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize