your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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