Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
