and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize