All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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