so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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