That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize