i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
