So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
