i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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