I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
