ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
