found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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