Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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