his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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