When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
