There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
