just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
