I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The Olympian is in my bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
