I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
