No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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