Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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