I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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