Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
