I just saw a hot homeless man
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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