Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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