So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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