The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
