My friends, they love my intelligence
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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