i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
FUCK WHALES
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