it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
