Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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