I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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