Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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