I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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