Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
