Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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