He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
