you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
