Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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