the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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