I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
