If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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