did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
