Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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