Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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