Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My vagina just recognized that song.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
