She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
